Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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