Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
