I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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