Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
