Just cropdusted the office
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
