I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
