I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
