is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The best revenge is premature balding
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
