Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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