Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
