If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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