I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Randomize
