Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
