Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
