I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
