Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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