turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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