it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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