brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
