Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
