I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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