yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
