Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
