I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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