i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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