i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
