You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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