someone get that fucking seahorse.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
