he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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