this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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