saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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