Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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