in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
