She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
