Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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