It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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