Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
