Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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