just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
