Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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