My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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