Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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