do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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