one might say we're banned from that church
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
