Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you will always have a special place in my vag
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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