So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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