I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The air was thick with penises
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
