Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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