you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
