He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
