You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
