end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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