well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
