I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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