she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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