just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
