You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
