if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
