I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
