Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
