I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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