last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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