I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
