I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
