return my video game
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
