She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
