omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
